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eCondoms joke Joke :-)) on condoms, lingerie, adult toys

Russian Condoms

Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency:
"Our largest condom factory has exploded," the Russian President cried.

"My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!"

"Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President.

"I do need your help" said Putin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms as soon as possible to tide us over?"

"Why certainly! I'll get right on it,"said Bush.

"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Putin. "Yes?"

"Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Putin.

"No problem," replied the President.

Mr. Putin hung up and started laughing with his aides about how those stupid Americans will fall for anything.

George hung up and called the President of a condom company. "I need a favor, you've got to send 1,000,000 condoms right away over to Russia."

"Consider it done," said the president of the condom company.

"Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide."

"Easily done. Anything else?"

"Yeah," said the President, "print 'Made in America, size small' on each one!"

NearlyGood.com

Did You Know?


1. 'Hormonal' women most attractive
Women with high levels of the sex hormone oestrogen have prettier faces, research suggests.
2. Family balancing choice opposed
Parents should not be allowed to choose their baby's sex simply to balance their family, a snapshot survey finds.
3. Loneliness could be in your genes
Loneliness may run in the family, researchers have suggested.
4. Your brain's sex can make you ill
Scientists say they have proof that the sex of the brain makes men and women more prone to different diseases.
5. Contraceptive choice 'must widen'
Contraceptive jab: long-lasting birth control
6. G-spot does exist
Rerevealed secrets of female orgasm
7. Where is the G-spot?
G-spot facts
8. Many couples unfit for pregnancy
Many couples do not ensure they are in the best physical condition to conceive, a survey suggests.
9. Movies 'condoning sex and drugs'
Popular movies depict sex and drug use irresponsibly, a study of the top 200 films of the last 20 years suggests.
10. Clinic waits 'fuel sex bug rise'
Delays in treating people with sexually transmitted infections are fuelling the spread of such diseases, a charity warns.
11. How to put a condom on?
Putting On A Condom
12. Slang names for condoms
Condoms' slang
13. Say Condom in other languages
How to say "condom" in other languages. Condom names.
14. The Great British Sex Survey
'Sex and romance in Britain' survey results
15. 'If anyone is exploited it is the men'
Life in the porn industry
16. Scan spots women faking orgasms
A simple brain scan can spot whether a woman is faking an orgasm or not, a major fertility conference has heard.
17. 2.5m men have fertility problems
More than 2.5 million men in Britain could have low fertility, a report says.
18. Sperm tests 'not to WHO standard'
Sperm testing in UK labs fails to meet World Health Organization standards, raising concerns over infertility misdiagnoses, a study suggests.
19. Using Condoms Correctly
Tips on how to use condoms correctly
20. Asymmetrical men 'are a turn-off'
Women whose partners have asymmetrical bodies are turned off by them and attracted to other men at certain times of the month, a US study suggests.
21. Fertility laws set for overhaul
Laws governing fertility treatment and embryo research are to be overhauled for the first time in 15 years, after a public consultation.
22. One in 25 fathers 'not the daddy'
Up to one in 25 dads could unknowingly be raising another man's child, UK health researchers estimate.
23. 'Smart' prostate cancer predictor
Scientists say they have developed a clever way to predict how prostate cancers will behave.
24. Website design is 'biased to men'
Websites could be missing their target audiences because their design is biased towards what appeals to men, researchers have found.
25. Sexuality openness call to police
Police forces are being encouraged to monitor officers' sexuality to help meet the needs of gay policemen and women and create more openness.
26. Abortion rate continues to rise
The number of women having abortions has continued to rise in Wales and England, latest figures show.
27. Emergency pill sex fears allayed
Making the morning-after pill available to buy in chemists has not encouraged unsafe sex, say experts.
28. All out of love - and cash
When it all goes wrong, unmarried couples are often left massively out of pocket, as well as out of love. Help is at hand from a new online checklist.
29. Late abortion 'a hard decision'
Women who undergo a late abortion do not take the decision to do so lightly, a charity has said.
30. TV ads show smoking is 'unsexy'
Risqué TV, radio and billboard ads will be appearing across the UK from July to drill home the message to young people that smoking is not sexy.
31. Abortion time limit cut rejected
Doctors at the British Medical Association conference in Manchester have voted against reducing the upper limit for abortion.
32. Sex infections continue to rise
The number of sexually transmitted infections diagnosed in UK clinics has continued to rise, latest figures show.
33. 'Infertility time bomb' warning
Infertility is set to double in Europe over the next decade, a leading UK fertility expert has warned.
34. Avoiding soya 'may aid fertility'
Women should avoid eating too much soya if they are trying for a baby, a UK fertility expert believes.
35. Tories want veto on sex education
School boards should have a legal right to veto sex education material in classrooms, according to the Tories.
36. Female orgasm is 'down to genes'
The reason why some women have problems reaching orgasm might be down to their genes, say UK scientists.
37. Hope for new contraceptive option
Scientists are working on an alternative to the contraceptive pill which they hope would carry a lower risk of side effects.
38. Teen pregnancy: Why are rates rising?
The debate on how best to tackle teenage pregnancy has arisen again as latest figures show the rate in under-16s in England and Wales has increased.
39. China's dangerous sexual ignorance
In one cafe in southern China, pictures of naked women hang on the walls - a rare sight in this country.
40. Concerns over early HIV treatment
Immediate treatment of people who may have contracted HIV could be doing more harm than good, researchers claim.
41. Does sex sell a serious message?
A suggestive campaign encouraging Britons to be meat-free is being launched to promote National Vegetarian Week, which begins on Monday.
42. Late HIV diagnosis 'a problem'
Diagnosis of HIV is often not happening until the infection is at a late stage, a study says.
43. Concerns over 'female chemicals'
Chemicals in oral contraceptives and food containers harm the development of baby mice and US experts are concerned about the effects in humans.
44. Pollutant affects sex chromosome
An environmental pollutant can change the ratio of sperm carrying male and female chromosomes, a study says.
45. Disabled feel 'sexually excluded'
Society is failing to address the sexual and emotional needs of disabled people, a survey of readers of a leading disability magazine suggests.
46. Pollutant affects sex chromosome
An environmental pollutant can change the ratio of sperm carrying male and female chromosomes, a study says.
47. Finding love in cyberspace
Can you find true love in cyberspace?
48. Website offers sex health advice
Embarrassment is stopping many young people in Scotland from getting advice on sexual health, doctors have warned.
49. Late developers' sex risk warning
Late developers may be more vulnerable to high risk sexually transmitted diseases, research suggests.
50. Parents 'could pick babies' sex'
Couples undergoing IVF could be allowed to select the sex of their baby under proposals put forward by MPs.
51. Law review for cohabiting couples
Unmarried couples who live together could soon be given the same financial rights as those who are married.
52. Standards set for sex health care
A "gold standard" for sexual health care in England has been spelt out in guidance published on Wednesday.
53. Drifting apart blamed for 47% of divorces
Divorcing couples most commonly blame "drifting apart" as the biggest factor behind their split, according to a survey published yesterday.
54. An acceptable career?
These days anyone can set up a website and become a porn star. With the internet fundamentally changing the industry, could pornography be becoming mainstream?
55. Teen pregnancy 'hotspots' tackled
The government is launching a campaign to target areas with the highest teenage pregnancy rates.
56. HIV teens 'taking more sex risks'
US teenagers with HIV are taking more risks than their counterparts did before the advent of powerful new Aids drugs, research of 500 people suggests.
57. 'Sexless' dating agency in China
A dating agency in China has launched with the idea of uniting men and women who want to get married - but who have no interest in sex.
58. Similarity 'makes happy marriage'
People who pick partners with a similar personality to themselves could be helping to guarantee matrimonial bliss.
59. Spray to boost female sex drive
A spray that helps increase women's enjoyment of sex has undergone successful trials.
60. Sex disease risk for older women
Sexually transmitted infections are increasing among middle-aged women, two experts in the field have warned.
61. Respect at centre of sex strategy
Young people should be informed about sexual health services and have access to them, according to the Scottish Executive's new strategy.
62. New method to measure sexual interest
Israeli researcher develops method to measure sexual interest.
63. SSL chiefs cleared of fraud charges
New blow to SFO as judge throws out case against three directors
64. California's porn industry HIV scare
The adult movie industry in Los Angeles generates nearly half as much revenue as mainstream Hollywood, but it was dealt a blow recently when five actors were diagnosed as HIV-positive.
65. Around the world in 80 dates
Whether you want to give up smoking or get a new job, we've picked the best holidays to help you keep your new year's resolutions. Jennifer Cox opens our special report with a journey in search of true love
66. No sex is safe sex for teens in America
Joanna Walters in Killeen, Texas, reports on the $170m Bush-backed abstinence drive that teaches condoms are useless
67. Just say no to avoid sex infections, young told
Young people should be encouraged to consider abstaining from sex as one of the options for protecting themselves against the epidemic of sexually transmitted infections.
68. Let them have sex
Should residents of care homes be allowed to hire prostitutes? Certainly, says James Barrett.
69. Unsleeping partners
One of you needs the radio on to sleep, the other can't drop off with any noise. Bediquette... it's enough to keep you awake at night
70. 'All aboard the sex bus'
Walking up to the big, bright shiny bus in the middle of a busy shopping centre I wonder if I have got the right place.
71. 'I'm relieved it was only herpes'
Sarah, 31, was sleeping with one partner and was taking the pill and using condoms when she contracted a sexually transmitted infection seven years ago.
72. Names For Vaginas
The list of names for vaginas. Some of these words refer to specific parts of the vagina, and some refer to the thing in general.
73. Sleepwalkers who have 'sex sleep'
Imagine finding unexplained condoms around your house and then waking up one night to find your partner having sex with a stranger.
74. Promiscuous 10% 'fuel sex crisis'
A "promiscuous 10%" of the population who have multiple partners are fuelling a UK sexual health crisis, say experts.
75. Are condoms for kids the answer?
Every day seems to bring a new alert over soaring rates of sexually transmitted infections - and young people may be most at risk.
76. How homosexuality is 'inherited'
Scientists say they have shown how male homosexuality could be passed from generation to generation.
77. Public wants 'sex disease' action
Most people would like measures to change people's behaviour to cut rates of sexually transmitted infections, a BBC poll suggests.
78. Man-to-man advice on sexual health
A sexual health clinic set up by men for men has found worrying rates of sexually transmitted infections, suggesting the safe-sex message is not getting through.
79. Japan's Aids time bomb
The focus of most of the delegates to the International Aids Conference in Bangkok is on the enormous problems posed by the disease to developing countries.
80. Young, free and infectious
Rates of sexually transmitted diseases are rising alarmingly; overworked clinics are turning patients away; and still young people aren't getting the message about unprotected sex. Julie Wheelwright on Britain's teenage sexual health crisis
81. The Science Of Love
NEW YORK - Four years ago, Andreas Bartels had just finished a Ph.D. on the neurobiology of vision and had some time to kill.
82. Penis Survey Comes Up Short
Recent Studies Revise Average Length of the Male Organ
83. Is Sex Necessary?
Having regular and enthusiastic sex confers a host of measurable physiological advantages, be you male or female.
84. Barrier Contraceptive Methods
Barrier Methods Overview
85. Male contraceptive trial launched
Men in the UK are being recruited to try out a new form of male contraception in a major study.
86. Porn and the handset
Porn and mobile chat rooms are forecast as big money spinners for mobile phone operators.
87. Clinics 'don't stop sex diseases'
Expanding family planning services has had little impact on teenage pregnancy rates, research suggests.
88. Dogging Sex Positions
Most common dogging positions
89. Dogging Craze Has Brits in Heat
Giving new meaning to the term "flash mob," the British have invented a new sex craze called "dogging" that mixes sex, exhibitionism, mobs and the Internet.
90. The puzzle of teenagers and sex
Despite every effort over many years, the level of teenagers having sex and getting pregnant is as high as ever. And nobody really knows why...
91. Lessons from 'Sex and the City'
HBO comedy raises awareness of sexual health
92. Oral sex linked to mouth cancer
Some cases of mouth cancer could be caused by a virus contracted during oral sex, scientists have warned.
93. Cardinal backs use of condoms
Suggested role in preventing Aids breaks Catholic taboo
94. Condom plan 'to conserve forest'
A condom factory in north-west Brazil is being built to help prevent the spread of Aids in the country...
95. 'Instant test' for sex disease
Scientists have developed a cheap, instant test that can detect the sexually transmitted infection chlamydia.
96. Love 'as addictive as cocaine'
Love could be as addictive as cocaine or speed, scientists have said.
97. HIV cases in UK jump nearly 20%
The number of people infected with HIV in the UK is increasing rapidly, says a report.
98. Warts and all
STIs epidemic menace
99. Teenagers' sex worries parents
Parents feel a need to talk to their teenage children about sex and relationships - but are unsure how to go about it, surveys suggest.
100. Will There Be Fireworks For You This Bonfire Night
Will your bedroom activities be as colourful as the fireworks outside, or will your Bonfire night be a rained out soggy affair!
101. The Christmas Countdown
It's that time of year again!! Even before the bright lights and smoky haze from the fireworks has faded away the Christmas bells are beginning to tinkle, the goose is getting fat and the Christmas present sack is needing to be filled!!
102. Bone fear over contraceptive
A contraceptive injection could damage your bones, warn scientists.
103. Boys'n'the hood
Alarmed at infection rates among Afro-Caribbeans, an ex-teacher enlisted hip-hop culture to sell condoms to kids
104. Are You Afraid Of Things That Go Bump In The Night
Be a Demon under the Duvet
105. Are you getting a trick or a treat this Halloween?
Will Your Halloween Surprise Be Sex in Disguise?
106. The new rules of sex
What you get up to in the bedroom, or elsewhere, has never been entirely your business. Soon, a raft of new sex laws will be enacted. So what will be allowed and outlawed?
107. 'Dogging' craze sex disease risk
The internet and text messaging are fuelling a practice which involves unprotected sex with strangers in public parks.
108. Hip-hop condoms to hit stores
New hip-hop thing
109. Teen-agers often mix unsafe sex with drink, drug
Study: How does alcohol and drug use affect young people sex life?
110. Teen sex: Moms may have big impact on girls
A close relationship with their mothers is a strong factor for girls who delay having sex for the first time
111. It's the fare sex
About a festival of erotica in Edinburgh
112. Sex and the Tories
A wrong way to solve public health
113. Men Prefer Football to Sex
Keep your man keen and entice him away from the TV screen!
114. The Football Season Has Kicked Off
Can you go longer than 90 minutes?
115. Britons have problems with sex
Many Britons have problems when it comes to sex, according to a study.
116. Sex drug could help women
A new approach might be on the verge of producing an effective sex drug for women.
117. Boys will be girls
What do you do when your child wants to be the opposite sex? Naomi Coleman examines the rise of gender identity disorder
118. Penis is a competitive beast
Scientists believe the shape of the penis may have evolved to help men remove the semen of love rivals during sex.
119. Syphilis is back
One of the deadliest sexually transmitted infections is once again spreading at an alarming rate
120. Could sex save 3G mobiles?
Porn could popularise next generation mobile phones, writes David Nicholson
121. Holiday sexual disease alert
People having unprotected sex at home or abroad are more at risk than ever before, health officials have warned.
122. Cyber sex lures love cheats
Growing numbers of married people are turning to internet chat rooms for sexual thrills, a US study has found.
123. Monkey clue to male sex appeal
Rosy cheeks seem to be crucial in the dating game, for monkeys at least.
124. Seminal moments
You learn about sex from life - not from what you're taught in school
125. China launches 'sex website'
China has launched what is believed to be the first website aimed at giving young Chinese people advice on sexual health.
126. Holiday Sex Alfresco Style
You're on holiday, the sun is shining, the humidity is rising. It's time to take the action outside.
127. Sizzling Summer Sex On Holiday
Let your inhibitions run wild on holiday... just don't go home with more than what you bargained for.
128. Study reveals world's most jealous men
The green-eyed monster of jealousy is alive and well - and living in Brazil, according to an international study.
129. Fortress Britain at risk of disease
Compulsory health screening of immigrants could force global epidemics underground, senior doctors warn
130. For Play, Shower and Spa from Essentially Yours
All products are formulated and manufactured in the Uk without the use of harsh toxic ingredients. All are Vegan registered and Vegetarian Society Approved.
131. Pink Piranha Lingerie
'Pink Piranha Lingerie'.........the Hottest Underwear Label around !
132. For Play Pleasure Creams
For Play brings you an effective range of organically derived Lubricants and Pleasure Creams which have no petrol-chemical, mineral oil or harmful toxic ingredients.
133. More sex please...
we're young, female, liberated and British. Survey shows women have more partners than ever before.
134. Getting it on
Today's young worship the logo, so condom-makers need to persuade them to wear their product
135. Sexual healing
After reports that 'pink' Viagra has gone limp, doctors are exploring cognitive methods of rekindling lost lust in women
136. Soy 'helps manage prostate cancer'
Taking a soy extract may help slow the progress of prostate cancer, researchers claim.
137. Guilty Pleasure
Find out more about sex toys
138. Why Buy Sex Toys?
A few reasons for buying sex toys
139. How to Choose a Sex Toy?
How do you go about choosing the sex-toy(s) that is right for you and yours?
140. Oral sex HIV warning
The risk of contracting HIV from oral sex may be greater than previously thought.
141. Warning over sex health crisis
The rise in sexually transmitted infections (STIs) has reached crisis point, MPs have warned.
142. Sexual Dysfunction in Women
Medics call in experts from an erotic emporium to help cure flagging libido
143. Semen 'makes women happy'
Women exposed to their partner's semen during sex may find themselves feeling happier than those who use a condom, say scientists.
144. Sex: the public health crisis
The nation's sexual health is now in serious decline - but NHS support services are shambolic, underfunded and stretched to the limit
145. Sex disease rife among teenagers
MPs say new generation needs wake-up call to dangers of unprotected sex as chlamydia rate doubles
146. Clap if you're proud to be safe
We are having sex with more and more people. Trouble is, we've forgotten how to be careful
147. Types of Condoms
If latex condoms irritate your skin, the culprit may be the lubricant, the spermicide or the materials used in processing
148. HIV arrived in the US in the 1960s
New facts on HIV history
149. Sex Ed: Contraception au natural
Birth control pills problems
150. The trouble with sex
Why is the government doing so little to counter the huge increase in sexually-transmitted infections?
151. Birth control
Some blame women who are 'too posh to push' for the rising caesarean rate, others scalpel-happy doctors. The truth is more complicated.
152. Keys to Conception
Fertility at different age (including specialist's opinion).
153. An A-Z of the British and sex
Sexual notions related to the UK
154. Sex Toy History Overview
Crucial facts about sex toys history
155. Test your knowledge about condoms
Don't feel bad if you don't know how to use condoms. Many people don't understand all there is to know about them. To test your condom I.Q., take this quick true/false quiz.
156. Self Care: How to Get Lubed Naturally
Reaching for a tube of lube before sex could be a slippery proposition, especially if you're trying to get pregnant.
157. The most common condom problems
The list of the most common problems with condoms' usage and solutions to them.
158. Penis size and enlargement surgery
To the average man, his penis is, consciously or unconsciously, one of the most important things in the whole world.
159. Impotency and the male erection
For the most part, sexual dysfunction is the result of the effects of age associated disease and/or their treatment on the ability to develop or maintain an erection.
160. Sexually transmitted diseases
Patrick Butler examines the prevalence, symptoms and treatments of the most common sexually transmitted infections
161. Condom History
When HIV, the virus that can cause AIDS, was identified, it became clear that condom use and safer sex could stem the epidemic
162. Condoms A to Z
When used consistently and correctly, latex or plastic condoms with or without spermicide provide highly effective protection against bacterial and viral STDs
163. Technological Innovations
New thinking about meeting the growing need for condoms revolves around making condoms more accessible locally while developing new distribution policies to provide adequate supplies on a sustainable basis.
164. UK Standards for Condoms
Be careful when choosing your condom since the life of your partner and yours depends on it.
165. Interesting facts about condoms
Some information and facts that can be interesting for you
166. Condom Humour
Who could have guessed that a mere condom could be a source for so many jokes!
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